They’re not always as obvious as you might think. That’s because domestic abuse is about controlling someone’s mind and emotions as much as hurting their body. Being abused can leave you scared and confused. It can be hard for you to see your partner’s actions for what they really are.
Usually, physical abuse isn’t what comes first. The abuse can creep up slowly. A putdown here or there. An odd excuse to keep you away from family or friends. The violence often ramps up once you’ve been cut off from other people. By then, you feel trapped.
- Accuses you of having an affair
- Blames you for abuse
- Criticizes you
- Tells you what to wear and how you should look
- Threatens to kill you or someone close to you
- Throws things or punches walls when angry
- Yells at you and makes you feel small
Your partner controls your money:
- Keeps cash and credit cards from you
- Puts you on an allowance and makes you explain every dollar you spend
- Keeps you from working whatever job you want
- Steals money from you or your friends
- Won’t let you have money for basic needs like food and clothes
Your partner cuts you off from family and friends:
- Keeps close tabs on where you go and whom you go with
- Makes you ask for an OK to see friends and family
- Embarrasses you in front of others, and it makes you want to avoid people
Your partner physically abuses you:
- Abandons you in a place you don’t know
- Attacks you with weapons
- Keeps you from eating, sleeping, or getting medical care
- Locks you in or out of your house
- Punches, pushes, kicks, bites, pulls hair
Your partner sexually abuses you:
- Forces you to have sex
- Makes you dress in a sexual way
- Makes you feel like you owe them sex
- Tries to give you an STD
- Won’t use condoms or other birth control
Signs Someone You Know Is Being Abused
Keep an eye out for things like:
- Excuses for injuries
- Personality changes, like low self-esteem in someone who was always confident
- Constantly checking in with their partner
- Never having money on hand
- Overly worried about pleasing their partner
- Skipping out on work, school, or social outings for no clear reason
- Wearing clothes that don’t fit the season, like long sleeves in summer to cover bruises